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Posted on in Divorce

Wheaton, IL divorce attorney for asserting your rightsNarcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition found in several highly-regarded mental health guidebooks, including the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The disorder is characterized by an excessive need for praise and attention, unstable interpersonal relationships, lack of empathy, and an inflated ego. The term “narcissist” is also commonly used colloquially to describe an individual who is arrogant, unsympathetic, and easily angered. Divorcing a narcissist can be an extremely frustrating and complicated endeavor. If your spouse is a narcissist, you may encounter some or all of the following issues:

You May Be Unable to Negotiate an Agreement on Your Own

Whether your spouse has been formally diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or not, divorcing someone with an inflated sense of self and a lack of empathy will be an arduous experience. In order to resolve your divorce and move on with your life, you and your spouse will need to reach an agreement about the terms of the divorce. Depending on your situation, this may mean addressing property division, debt division, child custody, child support, and/or spousal maintenance. Reaching an agreement about divorce issues with a spouse who is unwilling or unable to compromise may be nearly impossible. An attorney may be able to help you negotiate a settlement, or your case may go to trial.  

You May Need to Assert Your Rights

When there is a major power imbalance in a divorce, it is highly recommended for the spouse at a disadvantage to retain a qualified attorney. You have the right to an equitable division of the marital estate as well as a fair resolution to other divorce issues. It is important to assert these rights during your divorce. Letting your spouse walk all over you will do nothing to improve your situation. Some spouses hope that if they approach the divorce amicably, their spouse will show them the same kindness. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case when divorcing a narcissist.

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Posted on in Divorce

Wheaton, IL high conflict divorce lawyerIf you are planning to get a divorce, you may be concerned about how conflict with your spouse will affect the divorce process. In an ideal world, divorcing spouses would be cooperative, cordial, and kind to each other. However, the reality is that some divorce cases are filled with bitterness and disputes from beginning to end. Regardless of why your divorce is contentious, working with a skilled lawyer is one of the best ways to avoid drama during your divorce. Your lawyer can help you properly prepare for the divorce so that it goes as smoothly as possible.

Take Stock of Your Financial Situation

If you suspect that your divorce will be less than pleasant, it is important to prepare for divorce in advance. One issue you should be concerned with is whether your spouse will be truthful and forthcoming about financial information. Finances can influence everything from child support to the division of marital assets and debts, so having an accurate assessment of your finances and your spouse’s finances is essential. Take inventory of your income, assets, debts, and expenses. Gather tax returns, bank statements, loan documents, and other financial information. You may also want to take photographs of valuable personal property in case your spouse tries to hide or destroy it.

Build Your Support System

A high-conflict divorce is likely going to be one of the most difficult things you ever go through. It is crucial that you set up a strong support system. Let your close friends and family know how they can best support you during this challenging period in your life. You may also want to seek professional guidance from a counselor, therapist, or religious authority.  

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DuPage County high conflict divorce attorneyDivorce can bring out the worst in people. If you are contemplating divorce or have already decided to end your marriage, you may have concerns about your ex making false accusations against you. Some people make up lies about their spouse during divorce out of bitterness and spite. Even if the accusations are not founded in reality, they have the potential to cause significant problems for the accused spouse. If your spouse has accused you of abuse, violence, hiding assets, or other forms of wrongdoing, it is important to work with an experienced divorce lawyer.

Keep a Detailed Record of Your Actions and the Accusations

One of the best ways to help your lawyer prove that your soon-to-be ex-spouse is lying about your alleged abuse or other misconduct is to gather evidence. Keep records of any text messages, voicemails, or emails that your spouse sends you. Make sure to also log or write down your own actions. You may be able to use this information to prove that your spouse’s claims are untrue. For example, if your spouse accuses you of harming him or her on a certain date, you may be able to produce evidence that shows that you were out of town on this particular date. Demonstrating inconsistencies in your spouse’s claims will weaken his or her credibility and help you defend yourself against the false accusations.

Do Not Confront Your Spouse, and Comply With Any Protection Orders

One of the worst things you can do when you are being accused of abuse or harassment is to confront your accuser. Your spouse may use this confrontation as an excuse to make claims of further harassment, intimidation, or abuse, or they may attempt to bait you into a heated argument and claim that this shows that you are violent or unstable. 

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Posted on in Divorce

Wheaton high conflict divorce attorneyMarried couples choose to divorce for countless reasons. Sometimes, spouses simply grow apart or realize that it was a mistake to get married in the first place. In these cases, spouses may not want to be married any longer, but they still have a high level of respect and concern for each other. On the other hand, some divorcing spouses are vengeful and combative. Divorces involving infidelity, deceit, domestic violence, or vindictiveness may require a very different approach than more amicable divorces. If you have reason to believe that your divorce might be hostile, you may wonder if there is anything you can do to start preparing yourself now.  

Consider a Guardian Ad Litem

Continuous divorces between parents may involve strong disagreements about child custody and visitation, which are called “the allocation of parental responsibilities” and “parenting time” in Illinois. Illinois courts make decisions in these areas based on what is in the child’s best interests. Unfortunately, some parents may attempt to sway the court’s decision in their favor by misrepresenting themselves or lying about the other parent. In some child custody disputes, a Guardian Ad Litem is assigned to the case to represent the children’s best interests and uncover the true facts of the case. The Guardian Ad Litem may do this by conducting interviews, evaluating parents’ homes and interactions with children, and analyzing financial information. You may want to request a Guardian Ad Litem if you have concerns about your spouse’s parenting abilities or if you want your child to have a specially-trained advocate.

Mediation May Not Be Your Best Option

Some divorcing couples who disagree about property division, child custody, spousal support, or other divorce terms are able to work out a solution to their disagreements through mediation. During divorce mediation, parties agree to work with a qualified mediator, negotiate in good faith, and collaborate with experts in order to reach a resolution. However, if there is a major power imbalance between the spouses, or if a spouse refuses to have reasonable discussions about divorce-related disagreements, mediation may not be a viable choice. It may be better for spouses to consult with their respective attorneys and formulate a divorce strategy personalized to their unique set of challenges.

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Posted on in Divorce

Wheaton divorce litigation attorneyJust as no two marriages are the same, no two divorces are the same. There are several different paths that a person getting divorced in Illinois may choose to pursue. Some couples are able to work out the terms of their divorce on their own. Others require help from a qualified mediator to come to an agreement about property division, child custody, and other divorce-related issues. Collaborative law offers yet another option for couples ending their marriage. In some situations, especially those involving spouses with a high net worth, a divorce case may require courtroom litigation. Here are some situations in which a divorce may need to be resolved in court:

Cases Involving Financial Fraud

In order for a divorcing couple to reach a fair settlement, the spouses must fully disclose their incomes, assets, and debts. If a spouse is unwilling to be honest and transparent about his or her financial circumstances, effective mediation or a successful collaborative divorce may not be possible. Some spouses will attempt to hide assets or income in hopes that these assets will not be divided during divorce. A person may misreport the income they earn in hopes of influencing decisions about spousal maintenance or child support. If you have reason to believe that your spouse is hiding assets or revenue streams, speak with a divorce attorney right away.

Couples With a History of Abuse or Domestic Violence

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that approximately 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have been the victim of intimate partner violence. If your spouse has physically abused you, used threats to manipulate your actions, or made you feel unsafe, mediation is typically not recommended. You may be coerced or intimidated into accepting a divorce settlement that is not fair. Many victims of domestic violence find that litigation is the only way to get the divorce settlement they truly deserve.

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