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Wheaton, IL divorce attorney emotional issuesAccording to the Holmes Rahe Stress Inventory, divorce is the second most stressful life event a person can experience. Only the death of a spouse is considered more emotionally traumatic than the end of a marriage. If you are going through a divorce, you may feel depressed, confused, enraged, or even completely numb. While there is no way to completely eliminate the emotional pain associated with divorce, mental health experts do have some advice for how to cope with divorce in a healthy, effective way.   

Do Not Judge Yourself for Your Feelings

Divorce is different for everyone who goes through it. It is very likely that you will not experience divorce in the same way as your friends or family members. Because of this, it is important not to judge yourself for your reaction to the divorce. You may be consumed with anger and resentment toward your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, or you may miss them terribly. You may feel relieved about the end of the marriage, or you may be devastated that your attempts at reconciliation have failed. You may be emotionally numb and feel almost nothing at all. Whatever your response to the trauma of divorce, know that your feelings are normal and that the emotional pain will decrease with time.

Reach Out to Others for Help

Research has consistently shown that people are better able to cope with divorce if they have support from others. You may wish to share your thoughts and feelings with friends and family, or you may choose to confide in a mental health professional. Participating in a divorce support group or religious organization may also help you cope with the end of your marriage. Although you may want to isolate yourself during this turbulent time, this can actually make you feel more alone and upset. Connecting with others can help you work through the emotional difficulties you are experiencing.


Wheaton, IL child custody and divorce lawyer

If you are a parent who is considering divorce, you probably have many concerns about how your children will take the news of the split. Children may remember the moment that they learned their parents are getting divorced for the rest of their lives. Therefore, it is important to minimize the emotional trauma caused by this conversation as much as possible. The good news is that there are many resources available to parents that can help them talk to their children about divorce in a healthy, productive manner. There is no perfect way to tell your children that you are getting divorced, but experts have some tips to help make the discussion go as smoothly as possible.

Tell the Children All at Once

Child development experts suggest that parents break the news of the divorce to all the children at once. If you have children of varying ages, you may assume that it would be better to tell the oldest children before the youngest children. However, psychologists suggest that telling some children before the others may cause more problems than it prevents. This may make children feel like they have to keep secrets, which can be especially burdensome during an already tumultuous time.


Wheaton, IL divorce lawyer for social mediaDivorce can be a difficult, stressful process. Addressing the complex issues involved in separating from your spouse and beginning your newly-single life can be overwhelming. As you work to resolve the various legal concerns and practical matters that arise during the divorce process, you may not realize that certain other aspects of your life will also be affected. One concern that can sometimes fall by the wayside is your use of technology, online services, and social media. During the divorce process, it is a good idea to comb through your online presence and consider the devices and systems you use and how these will be affected. Here are some issues to consider:

Reset Your Passwords

Whether your divorce is contentious or amicable, it is a good idea to change your passwords immediately to ensure that nobody else can access your accounts. A password generator can be used to create strong, completely random passwords that will provide the best level of security. This will prevent your ex-spouse from guessing any passwords that may be based on personal information (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.). If you need help remembering passwords, you can write them down in a notebook or save them on your phone where only you will be able to see them.

Back Up What You Want to Keep

It is common in most households for families to share electronic devices, such as computers or tablets. When dividing assets, you might not get to keep all of these devices. If you have any data on shared devices that you want to keep, such as documents, photos, or tax information, be sure to save a backup on a hard drive or another type of storage device. After making a backup, you may want to restore a device to its factory settings to ensure that your ex will not have access to copies of your personal files.


DuPage County divorce lawyer for tax issuesWhen you are going through a divorce, the process of legally ending your marriage can be difficult, and that is especially true if you have children. In addition to addressing the allocation of parental responsibilities (formerly called child custody) and the amount of time children will spend with each parent, you will need to determine how to make sure your children’s financial needs are met. Each parent will have child support obligations that are based on the income earned by both parents and, in some cases, by each parent’s amount of parenting time. Typically, the parent with less parenting time will make child support payments to the other parent, although this is not always true, and the amount of payments will vary depending on the circumstances of each individual case. If you will be paying or receiving child support, you may have questions about when and how these payments will be made. 

Income Withholding

In many cases, the easiest way to handle child support payments is by having them withheld from the income earned by the paying parent. Arrangements for doing so may be made as part of a couple’s divorce decree, and the Illinois Department of Child Support Services (DCSS) will contact that parent’s employer and begin garnishing their wages. This allows for a convenient way to ensure that payments are automatically made from one parent to the other, and by having an outside agency handle the payments, it limits any disagreements between the parents. Wage garnishment may also be initiated by DCSS if a parent becomes delinquent in making child support payments, and the agency may also take measures such as suspending a non-paying parent’s driver’s license or withholding funds from their tax refunds.

Direct Payments

If garnishment of wages is not feasible, or if parents wish to use a different arrangement, they may agree to have the paying parent make child support payments directly to the other parent. This type of arrangement may be used if a parent is self-employed, unemployed, or is paid only on commission. While payments can be made using methods such as cash, online payments, checks, or money orders, this can make it difficult to maintain proof of payment. It may also be difficult to resolve conflicts over payments, and financial data may be insecure if payments are made digitally. In most cases, it is preferable for the paying parent to make payments to the Illinois State Disbursement Unit, which will then distribute the funds to the receiving parent. 


Posted on in Divorce

DuPage County property division lawyer family homeDeciding to get a divorce is a much bigger decision than just choosing to split from your partner. Ending your marriage may potentially mean that you will see your kids less often, and you will need to give up ownership of some of the property you own. Determining how to handle ownership of the family home is often one of the most complex issues to be addressed during divorce. Some divorcing couples choose to sell their house and split the profits, but one person may not want to uproot their life. If both parties wish to continue living in the marital home, then disputes over the division of marital property may be difficult to resolve. If you are looking to retain ownership of your home, you should consider the following:

Determine the Value of the House

If you want to keep your house, you will need to buy out your partner’s share of the equity in the home, and the mortgage will need to be refinanced in your name. The equity is the value of the house minus the amount that is owed on the mortgage. It may be necessary to perform an appraisal or consult with a real estate professional to determine the true value of the home. 

Decide How to Divide the Home’s Equity

Once a proper value has been placed on the home, you will need to determine each spouse’s share of the equity. Illinois is an “equitable distribution” state, meaning that marital assets should be divided fairly between divorcing spouses. A home’s equity may be split evenly between spouses, or another fair and equitable arrangement may be reached. Spouses may be able to negotiate an arrangement between themselves, but if they cannot decide on this or other issues, the ultimate decision may be left up to the judge in their case.

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